Saturday, March 10, 2012

Of Love And Other Demons.

On a windy summer evening as I walked down the same old roads, I realized how much life around me has changed.
How tall buildings have taken over the muddy grasslands where we had spent years playing "lock and key", how your friends are now too cool for ek takar orange candy, how we aren't happy with spending 100 rupees a day though once seeing a 100 rupee note was by itself nothing less than a magical ride on a unicorn.

I wondered where the little girl in me got lost.
The fat little girl who followed her geeky brother around like a puppy, who made a face every time someone left home to go "ta ta" and didn't take her along, who loved to put her head out of her window and talk to the neighbour's cat.
Her didiya had exclaimed with utmost sadness that she had grown up too soon.
And I wanted to ask,
did she have a choice?

Now she sits around wondering - "what is love to me?"
Two failed attempts at a miraculously masochistic endeavour.
She did feel love for a certain number of people in her life. But, the exclusively excruciating overflow of romantic feelings - no, she would never feel that again.
She now shies away from affection.
From happiness.

She wanted to tell him every messed up thought in her head.
She knew he deserved better than the confusion she offered him.
She told him to stay away for a reason.
But, happiness - the little bitch that she is, crept in after all.

Today, as I lay down on my back staring at the sanguine evening sky, I felt fourteen again.
MLTR made vague sense once more and I knew I was in for trouble.
Demonic activity in my head?
Or was it the angelic halo finally shining down on me?
I'll never know.

Either way, how long could I have kept up the charade? :)

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