Sunday, March 28, 2010

Egotist or Self loather ??

"Big egos are big shields for lots of empty spaces"

I sit here writing this, after the third fight I've had this week, with the person i care the most about.. Not that fighting isn't something we don't do..But more often than not,these fights usually center upon my ego-problem or stubbornness...
Everyday am left alone to think, "am i really all that bad?"
May be i am...I seriously do have an ego problem..The fact that i am an egotist,is not something I got to know recently..I've always known that i was one..
Forgiveness doesn't come quite easily to such people...We live in vengeance ...Always angry with life..I've always wondered what made me the person I am today..
I don't like partying,going out-having fun...I prefer staying at home with a book and a bottle of coke..Sad,i know..
Therefore,I'd be lying if I didn't admit to have crossed the thin line between "egoism" and "self loathing" ... Yes, i have serious issues when it comes to liking myself...
Ever since childhood,a part of me always wanted to be the best at everything.I was quite a good student till 15 years of age-after which came the gradual fall..Every little thing seemed to irk me.The tiniest of mistakes i committed left me depressed for weeks..
I kept telling myself it was just my ego that makes it so difficult for me to say "Sorry" (probably the last word you should expect to get out of me) ...As it turns out, it was a little more than just ego..
A bit of advice for all those who think on the same lines as me, it's time to be a little more optimistic.Self loathing doesn't take you anywhere,neither does your ego! When you're left hating yourself,the rest-still caught in the rat race,move miles ahead of you...Wouldn't want that,would you?
Therefore,I once again try to adhere to the resolution,i always end up breaking...I shall try and be a reasonable person.... *Amen*

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